Stirring of the Soul in an Airport

​Did you ever think that your life can be changed by two hours in an airport? Now I’m not talking about the kind of change that involves a health crisis or a delayed flight. No I’m talking about a journey of the soul.

On our trip to California this week, we had a 2 1/2 hour layover in Atlanta Georgia. I had marvelous, surprising experiences that nudged me to be hope and love.

 

I will begin by saying that I was hobbling around with a cane because I popped my knee. The orthopedist said it popped back in, but it’s still sore. Airports have a lot of walking distances so I was able to get around pretty well with the cane. Actually, it feels better walking than it does sitting or lying down. 

 

 I did find a little place to sit in the corner next to the windows of the airport. It was crowded, and there were a lot of people around us. Soon a gentleman and his wife came and sat across from us. He was in a wheelchair and smiled at me. I smiled back. My wheelchair was in the corner because the Delta staff had met me as I got off the plane and brought me to the next terminal where I needed to be. His wife sat down with a sigh. It wasn’t long before a couple joined us to my left. He was a rather tall man, and she was a woman who looked about my age. 

 

The man across the aisle in the wheelchair kept smiling at me so I decided to strike up a conversation. “The wheelchair can really help us get around can’t it?” I asked him. “Oh yes,” he said, “I’m doing much better now. I’m in Physical Therapy and it’s helping a lot.” It appeared that he might’ve had a stroke. His hands were a bit uncoordinated and his mouth curved to one side. “Well I’m glad you’re doing so much better and I hope you have continued success.” He went on to tell me the many things he could now achieve.

At that moment, the gentleman to my left stood up and his wife began to place an icy patch on his back. He looked at me and kind of grinned. I said “Oh those things are so great aren’t they.” “Yes,” he said. I’ve got sciatica or something wrong. It’s not fun getting old.” “Well,” as I always say, “it’s better than the alternative.” He went on to tell me that he is trying to learn Cantonese. He said he speaks Mandarin, but he’s trying to learn this language so he can speak with some family members. “My father’s Puerto Rican and my mother is Chinese. So I speak Spanish and I’m trying to learn this language. It is very difficult.” 

“I’m sure it is. I’m trying to brush up on my Spanish and finding that hard enough.” “Keeps the mind fresh though doesn’t it.” He laughed. “Well challenged that’s for sure.” His wife looked at me and said “It’s important these days to be bilingual.” ”I so agree,” I said, “but it’s kind of tough.”

 

The gentleman in the wheelchair across from me, laughed and said “I guess this is the disabled corner.” “Oh yes”, I said “it’s great to have camaraderie.” His wife looked at me and said “I can’t hear  - that’s my disability.” We continued to chat and have a good time. It was as if I had a new family right then, connected by our ailing bodies and openness about it. Who would’ve thought 

That blessings would arise out of our disabilities?

 

A young man came and sat to the other side with three boys. He laughed and looked kind of sad. “Are those boys all yours?” I asked His face lit up. “Oh yes, he said. “I have one more at home.” They looked like they ranged in age from about 9 to 12. They were quite well behaved and I said “That is a lot of parenting.” He said yes it is and then he opened a bottle and took some pills. He kinda seemed embarrassed by it. “Oh man sometimes medicine is a great aid isn’t it?” I asked. He beamed. “Yes, I had a nervous breakdown last year and these help me get through the tough times.”  “I’m so glad,” I offered , “It’s wonderful that you’re here with your boys.” “Yes ma’am, yes Indeed.” I stood up to go take some paper to the trash can and he jumped up to walk  beside me. “Oh let me get that for you.” At first I started to reject and then I said “OK thank you.” He looked me right in the eyes and said “Thank you so much for letting me set a good example for my boys.”  As I went to the restroom I thought. Who would’ve known that medication and trash would put a bond between a young man and myself? I felt deep compassion for him. 

 

As I began to walk toward the bathroom, very slowly, I passed a custodian with his cart. He had his arms propped up on it and looked exhausted. “Hello, how are you doing today,”  just the usual greeting in the south. “Well, not very good ma’am not very good at all.” Now I wasn’t going to just walk away from a comment like that so I said, “what is going on? I’m so sorry for you.” “I’ve got high blood pressure and I feel terrible. I’m exhausted. I didn’t sleep last night and I’ve been here all day. I haven’t had any lunch.” “That’s terrible,” I empathized. “Will you be able to get some lunch?” “I don’t know. You get a 30 minute lunch but you wait so long in these lines there is no time.  There is no employee cafeteria and a measly 4% discount.” “Oh that”s dreadful, would you like me to try to get you something.” “No, I’ll have a friend try.” “Are you able to do something about the high blood pressures?   Perhaps see a doctor or take some medication?” “Well they’re trying but it’s not working.” He leaned heavily on his cart. “Oh sir I am so sorry. Please know that I will keep you in my prayers and sincerely hope that you’re gonna feel better today.” “You know, ma’am, that is the nicest thing anybody has said to me today. Blessings to you!” “Many blessings for you,” I exclaimed.

 

Who would’ve known that I would be called upon to offer a healing word in the airport?

Oh God was not done with me yet. Seems I needed a lot of stirring of my soul!

I went to the bathroom, which was incredibly clean and came to the sink. There was a young woman with her rag cleaning and drying things. “Oh thank you so much.  This place is really clean and I appreciate it.” “You’re the only person to tell me that today,” she said. I stopped and looked carefully at her. She was probably in her early twenties and pregnant. “I’m sorry about that. I bet it gets pretty lonely being in here all day all by yourself.” “Yeah,” she answered, “but I gotta do it. It pays the bills.” “ I’m sure it does, and I appreciate this important work you do!” Her face brightened and she smiled. “Well, thank you ma’am.” Right away I noticed other people who had been in the restroom saying thank you to her.  Who knew that in a bathroom I would be challenged to bring light to someone’s hard work?

 

In the space of an hour, I was stirred to compassion, understanding, gratefulness, healing. These are all things that bless me over and over. I’m someone who gets to be the recipient of love and mercy every day. I’m part of a family, community of faith and friends worldwide that support and love me, no matter what. Not everyone has that. In just a small matter of time, in a busy airport, my life was changed. I became even more aware that every move, everything we speak, every smile we give, makes the world a better place for someone else. 

 

My soul was softened a whole lot more that day. I can get very skeptical about this sad world with all the angry violence going on. For those moments, I saw Hope. My dear ones, let us be hope for others. Let us not be overcome with the shenanigans of the world and forget to offer love and compassion. You may be the only soul hug someone gets! Thank you for blessing me and may your life be changed wherever you are! Still looking for hope in the airport! Bonnie Lee.

A turtle and Ants in My Pants!

 

Well, you would think by now I know how to make great lemonade! Well, actually, I do make a mean lemonade from fresh lemons, and I make a syrup and let it cool. That’s not the kind of lemonade I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the kind of lemons you get when Life Throws You Wrenches. As most of you know, I’m a planner and I like to plan events, and I like when a plan goes well. Makes me happy as a mother bird on a nest.

This week, however, we got lots of lemons. Daryl and I decided to go camping in our RV, aptly named Tranquility! You will see the irony of that soon! We had not used the RV since we drove it across country when we moved here. It took a lot of work to get ready. Daryl partially remodeled the bathroom and had to put in a new microwave. Of course, I had to clean everything from top to bottom as it had been sitting for a while. The mice had decided to make a mess with the toilet paper. That was interesting. If they would have only used the toilet I might have been happy!

 We set off for Lake Murray and Dreher Island State Park. Our site was located right on the water, and it was magnificent. Some of the highlights: I got to eat s’mores and hotdogs. That was a real thrill! We swam in the lake, which was fabulous. We sat by the fire and watched enchanting sunsets.

One of the most exciting things was the chorus of frogs. Daryl and I listened to these frogs and of course he analyzed it musically, but I laughed so hard. One frog would start and then others would join in, and it had a rhythm and a pitch. Daryl recorded it. I tried to get information about singing frogs. There are many kinds, but I thought they must be either the Southern Chorus Frog or the Upland Chorus Frog. I listened to their songs on my phone, but it didn’t sound like what we heard. Now I was really intrigued. It was great at first, but after an hour and a half of it, we were wishing that they would go sing somewhere else. I still had to laugh about it. They kept repeating the same rhythm at the same pitch. It was about three or four different notes. I’m going to do more research about them.

 And then there were the birds! Birds with vibrant colors; cardinals, finches, robins, mockingbirds, egrets, geese, ducks, and doves. Our site had thistles growing by the water’s edge and they loved it. I took some pictures as you will see above. One little cardinal came and visited us every day. She sat on our table and on our chair. Daryl said she chose us. We are blessed. I agree wholeheartedly.

But let me get back to the lemons. First, when we arrived, we hooked the RV up to the water and the electric and of course, there was a leak. “Oh my goodness not again,” I said. We turned the water off and tried to investigate where the water was causing all the mess on the floor. We discovered that it was behind a panel on the outside of the shower. We opened it and seemed like it would be an easy fix. However, we could hardly reach it, and we didn’t have the equipment or the parts. We could not use the water in the RV, so we had to haul our water to the table, wash our dishes there, take showers and use the restroom in the shower house. Fortunately for us, the shower house was right across from our RV. I have to say I have never seen a State Park restroom so clean. It was impeccable. I was quite happy.

 We got lucky though as Thursday morning we noticed that there was an RV mobile repair man a couple sites down from us working on somebody else’s mobile home. Daryl walked over and asked if he could come check a leak for us. He said, “sure.”

 Imagine our delight when he was able to fix the leak and replace the leaky valve. We thought now we can use the water in the RV and I can wash dishes at the sink instead of having to carry water to the table. Oh no, it was not to be! I turned on the water at the sink and immediately heard water running where it was not supposed to be. I looked underneath the sink and there was a big puddle. We discovered that one of the pipes had come loose. We couldn’t find out how to fix it, and we didn’t have the tools. OK back to carrying water.

 Then there was the fishing. Everyone told us what a great place Lake Murray was for fishing. They even hold fishing tournaments there. We brought our fishing poles, our bait, tacklebox, good bait, and my trusty lucky worm. Talk about lemons, here we go again. All I got was a turtle and ants in my pants. I was so afraid of getting a turtle because they were swimming all around; even near us when we were in the water ourselves. Of course, my first cast in, a turtle had to attach itself to my hook! Ugh! Lucky though, he only got the hook in his foot a little bit and I was able to hold him and pull it out carefully. I had a little chat with him. I told him that he should not go to places where people are fishing. If he hears a fishing pole or sees the bobber, he should go far away. He listened and we had no more incidents, but there was no success in fishing. The ants, well I will not go into details here! A couple in the RV next to us caught lots of fish and told Daryl where to fish. He was excited. He got his things together and went to the place they had described. He was there 15 minutes and a terrible thunderstorm came up. He came home, soaking wet. 

 So of course, my mind got to thinking about all this. One can choose to be grumpy, fuss at all the mishaps, or just laugh. That is mostly what I did. I just laughed. I thought about it, leaks, turtles and ants in my pants! Can it get more exciting?

 So, by now we have a bathtub full of lemonade, but oh no, of course there is more. Our last day as we were packing up and I was walking gingerly from the restroom (because I had an aching knee) and suddenly it popped. Okay now, lemonade does not taste good at all. As a matter of fact, I am sick of it!

 The pain was excruciating and we immediately put ice on it. I have past experience in orthopedics so I am pretty sure I tore my medial collateral ligament. I already have an appointment to see the orthopedist on Tuesday but this is bad! Unfortunately, I had to drive the RV home because Daryl and I brought two vehicles. We were being cautious since this was our first time taking the RV in a while.

 I took Tylenol, wrapped it and said to Daryl, let’s go. I will go to Ortho urgent care when we get home. That was not to be because they were not open on Juneteenth. We arrived home and fortunately we had a walker and Daryl dug it out. I hobbled to the bed and stayed there, foot propped higher than my heart, wrapped and ice!

 You know what? When I open my eyes to possibilities, God provides great opportunities for insights, joys and sharing escapades with my loved ones. I’m telling you all about it now and oh how cathartic this is! Thank you for your presence!

 We can all be fretful about issues in our lives. We’re not happy with the way things are in the world. War, a wretched economy, poverty is rampant and it touches many of us. My grocery bill was so astronomical last week, I think I could’ve made a car payment with that amount! Daryl reminds me as he prays at our meal that we have food on the table and money to buy groceries. “Let us be grateful and always share,” he prays.  We are happy to help others who don’t have enough food or money to pay their bills. It’s a small difference we can make to others where it salvages their lives in a small way.

 I’ll admit there were moments of discouragement but that only lasted about 15 minutes. I do not enjoy the energy of complaining about life. So, I’m choosing to raise the roof on happiness. It’s especially hilarious when you have to rustle the toilet when you can’t bend your knee! I haven’t fallen off yet!

 That’s it for the successful camping trip! I hope you’re laughing with me as you read this. I pray that your days will be full of sunshine and maybe lots of lemonade, but only the good stuff! Love and hugs to you all, Bonnie Lee. Joy in the Journey

 

 

A Gate with no Fence!

 

Sometimes in life, something pops up which startles you, or causes you to be curious. I have been driving by a gate for weeks now and I finally decided to stop and take a photo.

It is quite strange. It is a beautiful fence, recently crafted with lovely lights posted on the top. The wood seems to be carefully chosen, and the hinges are gorgeous, standing out in beautiful black. The odd thing about it, there is no fence. There’s a gate with no fence! Imagine that, and besides, the gate is open most of the time.

I came home and said, “Daryl you’re not gonna believe this, but there’s a house that has a gate with no fence. It’s magnificent. I have no idea why they put it there but what a great symbol for our lives. A gate with no fence. A gate that is open. It seems like a marvelous invitation to come in and see the treasures that await beyond its openness.”

Being practical, as my sweetheart Daryl is, he said to me, “Bonnie Lee, they don’t need a fence. All around the front of the property is a deep culvert. A car could never get over it without severe damage.” “You’ve got to be kidding me,” I said. Here I thought it was this welcome invitation. Instead, it’s just a way to keep people out when it’s closed. “Well yes,” he said “that is probably true.” 

 I stopped the other day and took a photo of it because I couldn’t get it off my mind. Imagine my surprise when the house was for sale. At the end of the gate is a magnificent structure, a gorgeous house waiting to be filled with love and laughter.

 As I looked a little closer, I noticed that there was a sign posted right next to the open gate. If you look closely in the photo, or enlarge it, you can see it. It says ‘guard dogs on property. They will attack. Notify owner before entry.’ No way! Unbelievable! Who would put such a sign beside this lovely gate? I was astounded, but then I remembered that the house was for sale and maybe they just didn’t want people wandering around the property without an appointment.

But soon I began to think about my own life. The gate seemed like it was a symbol. I consider myself open, loving, welcoming, and my effort is for people to find a refuge with me, a place to call home. I like when people confide in me and find solace when we are together. I do have a reputation for complete strangers to tell me intricate details of their lives.

 But then that open gate with a deep culvert and the sign caused me to stop and think more deeply about my openness. Sometimes we say we’re open, but when a friend doesn’t agree with our political view, it’s almost as if we put our hands up and say ‘stop it I don’t want to hear it.’ What about the relative who we label as a tin hat, or conservative, liberal, or other such names that I can’t even write here. I’m not going to their picnic, we say, it’s just too hard. We don’t think alike and I can’t listen to their shenanigans.

 What about the person who plays very loud music in their backyard when I’m trying to have my quiet time? I stomp around and say ‘don’t they have any sense?’ Of course, I keep it to myself but my thoughts are so ugly. This morning Mother Theresa reminded me in my devotional that Christ lives in us and through us. Oh dear, I’m not a very good example of that when I have such thoughts am I? So, the gate has become a reminder to be more open, to take the sign of guard dogs away. (Possibly not even have guard dogs, but then again I live in a place of safety) Yes, my soul needs protecting sometimes from the meanness of the world, don’t get me wrong, but so often I shut the gate with a snap before I look deeply into the person’s eyes and hear the wounds of their souls. God forgive me. I was a pastor for many years, and I think about the ways we claim to be an open and welcoming congregation, but on Sunday mornings, do we talk to the newcomer? Well, a lot of the times we just chat with the people we already know. "It's the pastor's job to welcome visitors," we say. If someone’s theology doesn't quite align with our sensibilities, we make comments, ‘perhaps they’re not suited to us.’ That’s like having the guard dog sign there. God help us.

When I spend time meditating before Saint Francis in my garden each day, I’m reminded to love everyone to love all creatures, yes, even the spiders too, which scare the wits out of me; that’s a really hard one. I have a friend who loves spiders. I never quite understood it, but you know what, her spirit is like that too. I don’t know a person that she doesn’t love. Her invitations to parties and gatherings are always open.

So maybe the gate is there to give me a lesson in God's good welcome. May it be so for you today. Sending you my love with all my foibles, Bonnie Lee.

 

Life is Full of Surprises!

Hey, it’s me! I’m back. Well I didn’t really go anywhere, but many of you have been asking when I’m going to Blog again. I don’t know I got stuck I guess.  (This is going to be longer than one trip to the toilet!)

Retirement, well, I don’t know what it is. It’s way better than I expected, but not all what I thought it would be. First of all, I absolutely love my early mornings on the patio, reveling in the garden. It’s comforting, peaceful, majestic, and the result of much hard labor. It reminds me that God is present in all things. On the other hand, I don’t know why I can’t sleep in. It doesn’t matter because I can take a nap if I want to. Well most days I can take a nap, when I’m not running between doctor appointments. 

 

That has been the other surprise during retirement. I thought that I would be free of doctor appointments; that my body would somehow magically rejuvenate from all the rest and less stress that you often face when you work. Ha! Well that didn’t happen. Less stress, for sure, if you don’t consider that our son lost his house to a fire, or our daughter with a chronic illness has faced some critical issues, or that our political situation frightens me on any given day. But I’m full of Hope!

 

No, I’m not a Pollyanna, but you can go ahead and call me that if you like. I’m more like a Dolly Parton kind of girl without the boobs and the money! Life is just a lot more interesting, peaceful, and invigorating when I look at it through the eyes of gratefulness.

 

Yesterday was the most incredible day. It was not at all what we expected. We took our truck to get serviced. The guy told us to show up at 9 AM which we did. He said it would be a couple hours so we went for breakfast. We found this little diner called Eggs Up Grill. Everything was tasty and the atmosphere so delightful. We still hadn’t received a call from the mechanic so we decided to pick up a few groceries. As you probably know by now, a few groceries usually turns into a cart full. But I got some fresh kale so that counts for something right?

 

We headed back to the auto shop. The car still wasn’t ready and the gentleman said it would probably be about an hour so we decided to take a nap in the car. I couldn’t nap so I started walking around. We went back in and he said well it’s actually gonna be longer.  By now it’s noon and so we headed for lunch. 

 

Now I have a strange craving for cheesesteaks. Since moving to South Carolina, I have not found any place that  makes good cheese steaks and of course not Philly cheesesteaks. But Daryl happened to find one online that was called Cheesesteak University close to Coastal Carolina University so we thought we’d try it out.

 

Oh my, we went there and was I ever excited! Daryl and I shared a half of an original cheesesteak and it was phenomenal. I saw people eating soft ice cream and I said to Daryl "they have ice cream here as well." So I went over to the counter and said to the gentleman, "I would like to buy some ice cream." "Oh ma’am,"he said, "our ice cream is complementary. You just help yourself." You have got to be kidding me! Cheesesteak sandwiches and free ice cream! I have just now found my favorite place to eat! What fun!

 

So you see all that waiting turned out to be a great benefit. We headed back to the auto shop and it still wasn’t ready so Daryl and I sat together in the waiting room and basically looked lovingly at one another. It’s OK to take that kind of time you know. Remembering the love and making googly eyes at each other! 

 

The truck was finally ready, and the gentleman told us that our truck is an excellent shape and that we are taking good care of it. OK, I already knew that since I’m the one who checks the oil most of the time and looks under the hood to inspect it. I have no idea what I am inspecting but it seems like a good idea in case anything has made a home under there! 

 

Next, our stop was to the DMV of South Carolina in Conway. Now I have to tell you, DMV offices get a bad rap. This place was run like an Amazon plant and filled with kind people. We went in and asked the first lady how she was doing. She kind of laughs and says, "oh just peachy." I said, "well that’s a good answer, but I don’t think that’s really what’s happening." She said "let’s just say peachy shall we?" And kept a smile on her face. It’s so happen that when they had issued Daryl his South Carolina license they had not put his motorcycle designation on it. We were so happy to find out that he did not have to take the test again, but they would reissue him a new license for free! We took a number and sat down. 

 

It wasn’t very long before they called our number and he had his photo taken and we were out of there. People were so nice and they were working so fast, but it didn’t feel like you were being rushed through. Now, how did they get like that? I don’t know. Maybe it’s all those miniature glass figurines on top of their computer monitors that cheer them up and make them smile, but their attitudes are beautiful! 

 

Now you might think that that was enough for one day and I could go home and take a nap but I couldn’t sleep so I made a new kind of dinner with a new recipe. All I can tell you is, it didn’t work. Ever since I retired I thought that I would become this really fantastic cook and I would do new recipes and we would just have great food. Well, it’s unfortunate but not one single recipe that I have tried has really been delicious. Daryl is so kind and just eats it and says oh that was OK. But this definitely was not OK. Yeah, I’m gonna put everything in the crockpot tomorrow with Sweet Baby Ray's barbecue sauce, and I’ll tell you it is gonna be good!

But what happened after dinner was probably the most rewarding part of our day. We went out to water the lawn, because we’ve got new grass that was just seeded and that’s when the people start walking. A young mother and her son introduced themselves. She stayed and talked and talked, and I just loved it. Then a couple came over and said to Daryl, "we’d like to talk to Bonnie Lee." So Daryl had me stop my watering and go call them and they came over and went inside. They had never been inside our home and even though we were polite with each other previously,  we did not really know them. It was a beautiful meeting. They shared a concern with which they thought I might be able to help. 

 

Next, I had written a message to someone in our community that I’d like to talk to them personally over some situations that were happening in our community. They said yes they would be there in half an hour.  Oh my, was that ever the crowning glory of my day. A man, his wife and their baby

came and stayed two hours. It was a great delight. We shared our garden with them. We sat in the house and they looked at all the paintings and the art on the wall.  We shared our struggles of living in the community and our great joys of being here. They were intrigued by the organ and their young son was wideyeded as Daryl played the Native American flutes and he loved the loudness of the organ! We found kindred spirits. Once they left, I said to Daryl, "my cup is full and running over." That wasn’t to be the end of the day!

 

Our very dear friends from California called and we chatted with them and then just as I was getting ready for bed my sister called me. She kind of forgot what time it is cause she’s retired but I absolutely love talking to her. She is so funny and so witty and just makes the best out of life. So I sat in my recliner and chatted with her a bit. And finally with a contented heart and a weary body, I snuggled down to the best man in the whole wide world. 

 

So there you have it, my dear friends, nothing very inspiring, no great truths, no insights to give you; just to tell you I love you dearly, Bonnie Lee

Ash Wednesday has new meaning

My Dear Ones, most of you probably know by now that our son Jordan lost his home due to an apartment fire that totaled the duplex in which he and his partner lived. Praise be to God they and the animals are safe. Thy were able to salvage a few things that had been in bins under their bed but almost everything else was a total loss.

We are in awe of the generosity of our family and friends who sent money to help refurbish their home. Unfortunately, they are still not in an apartment and Daryl and I are housing them in a hotel. The landlord had three empty apartments but none of them were ready. The work to get one of them in condition for habitation is slow but we are hoping by the end of this week they can make a new home. 

I am unsettled by Ash Wednesday this year. I usually welcome this someber season of the church year as we prepare for the forty days of Lent and head toward Easter. In Lent I can mourn the sad condition of our divided nation. I can wail for those who are hungry and displaced and tortured as I sit among the sorrow of Jesus journeying to the cross. This year however, I am distraught by the ashes. I do not know if I can have them put on my forehead. The vision of Jordan digging through the ashes of his home unnerves me. At one point he found a piece of jewelry for his girlfriend and she burst into tears and joy at the same time as she hugged him. 

Those ashes are a bit like I feel at the moment - exhausted, frustrated and trying to have hope. Those burned out pieces of furniture feel like the rupture of unity in my soul. I weep as I long for brighter days of laughter and togetherness.

Yet again, hope springs eternal. New friends from church, whom we know only slightly, have donated items and money. Long time friends and of course our deep family have sent money and loving emails, texts and phone calls. These reignite the happy cells buried deep under the mass of sorrow. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 

Yesterday was a warm sunny day and I was able to take a walk in our garden. Much to my surprise, the camellias were blooming and the mint tea has started to shoot through the dirt. The irises are pushing hard to dance in the sun. I cannot help but be delighted. Hope is on the way!

I also was able to lead a class on "Art and Faith" at our church. Oh my, the dear sisters who attended just blessed my soul! We laughed, cried and discovered so many treasures together. I also am taking piano lessons from my sweet Daryl and they revive something in me. 

So perhaps today I will receive the ashes after all. I will be reminded that "from dust you came and from dust you shall return." This sacred action will stir in me a deeper longing to notice the beauty, to tell you more often that I love you, to share the food, the shelter and the joy that I have with others. My dear ones, you are in my heart and I know I am in yours. May today turn you towards hope - even amid the ashes. Standing in the losses and knowing I am loved, Bonnie Lee

 

Weary!

Hello, my Dear Ones,

Oh my, where does one begin amid all the tragedy and sorrow we are witnessing in our country? I don’t know about you, but I am having a hard time sleeping. I had a nightmare last night when I was reaching out to a little girl to save her from drowning, but she was just out of my reach and I could not get to her. I woke up startled and distraught. The irony of it all - the little girl was me and the adult was me!

As I am trying to decipher all this, I know that it is reflective of my state of mind. I am drowning in despair and wringing my hands to discover what I can do to save the children who are being ripped from their families. I am overwhelmed with helplessness. I strive to cling to hope, as that is my nature, but it is daunting and exhausting.

To all of you self-analysts out there, I can assure you that I am aware that this resonates with me because of the severe separation from my own parents. I have had counseling to work through this, and this is way bigger than you or me. This is a nation turning on its own children. Each day I wake up and cry “how long or God how long!”

Some days even my precious devotional time seems  hollow and the calm eludes me. Yet again today, Author Charles Ringman brings me back to Christ. He says, “In a world of new “tribal” animosities and new polarizations of hatred and fear, there are new opportunities for Christians to show Christ’s way- a way of love and peace.” [1]

All I could pray this morning, was “God help us.” Some days I cannot connect with the news because it is just too painful. Yet every day this week I have looked at the little five-year-old boy who is detained by ICE. My heart is broken. 

So where is the hope? My dear ones, it is in you and me and countless others who dare to love in the face of danger. Even as we cry in desperation, we know God is with us. Reading the Psalms, especially chapters 140 and 141, help me.

The other blessing for me is that Daryl sings this every morning with his coffee, Taste and See That God is good, happy are those who take refuge in God. What a marvelous reminder. May it be so for all of us today. Loving you with weeping in my heart, Bonnie Lee

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[1] Ringman, Charles. Washing the Feet of the World with Mother Teresa. 2008. Regent College Publishing. Pg. 218

 

The Blessing for a Lifetime

 

My dear ones, did you ever have something happen to you a long time ago that impacts you today in a “good way?” Many of you know that I was a foster child for most of my childhood and tossed about. I endured homes that should have done me in, but I had a life-changing event at probably four or five years old that set the paradigm for my entire life.

One day I received new roller skates. Probably a neighbor donated them to our poor family. Anyway, I loved those roller skates and whirled around everywhere I could. As far back as I can remember, I was a tree climber. I tore so many dresses climbing trees that my clothing was usually hung together with a safety pin. That day I decided to both climb a very large tree and wear my roller skates. I have no idea how I did it, but there I was comfortably watching the world go by in the tree I had come to love. I don’t know how long I was there because time has a much different length when you are a kid. It started to get dark. I tried to get out of the tree but every time I put my feet on a limb, my foot would slip out. No matter how hard I tried I could not get out of the tree. I began to yell for help. At one point my drunken mother came to the door and yelled, “Shut up, I have a headache.” “ Mama, mama,” I cried “Get me down.”  But she only slammed the door and went back to her drinking. It was to be one of many lifelong rejections.

I began to cry and I was getting cold. Suddenly, I had this idea to pray. “God,” I said “if you get me down out of this tree I will serve you forever.”  How I had learned about God is hard to say. I do not remember going to church and the Bible was never read in our home. As a matter of fact, the only time the word God was used was usually to curse him.

“Please, please get me down. I promise and I mean it.” I pleaded with this unknown God.  Soon I heard my dad’s car in the driveway. He had been working on a construction job and was weary. “Dad, Dad,” I screamed, “Come help me. I am stuck. Help, I wailed.”

He turned and saw me and came running. “Well Bonnie Lee,” he said, “What is going on?” “ I can’t get out of the tree and mama won’t help me.”  “Well honey, just climb down.” “ I can’t -my roller skates keep slipping.” He looked shocked. “Well just take them off and then you can climb down.”  I had never even thought of that. I quickly unlaced the ties and threw them down. It was easy to climb barefooted because I had done it often.

He caught me and held me in his arms. It is the only memory I have of my dad every holding me in a gentle way and I’m sure it felt like the arms of God. Sometimes we are the face of Jesus that heals someone.

That night as I lay in bed. I said “Thank you God, I’m going keep my promise.”

You know, that promise guided me all through my life. When circumstances became horrendous, I did not turn to drugs or alcohol, instead I gave my life to Jesus. I became a foster parent myself, raised a family, worked hard and stayed out of trouble (well some of you will have a hard time believing that!)

This morning however, my promise hit me with full force again. A person dear to me wrote an exceptionally heinous comment on Facebook and it ripped into my soul. “How can I ever talk to that person again,” I asked Daryl. “ I no longer wish to be their friend.”  But of course, I started to remember my promise and continued with my routine of having a devotional every day and reading the Bible. Wow, it challenged me!

Of course this passage in Colossian 3 would be the lesson for the day! The writer is reminding us of what it means to be like Christ: “As God’s children, holy and beloved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience.” Oh dear, there it is again, serving Jesus through it all. So here I am, remembering my promise in the tree and being challenged to shift my paradigm to love. It is slowly changing me.

I don’t know what you are facing today, but remember that you are holy and beloved, and I am sure love will follow. Joy in the Journey, Bonnie Lee

Healing at the Beach

My dear ones, Today I was at the beach as it was 75 degrees at our home. As always, the ocean inspires me and I thought of you all – my dear friends and family. It certainly has been a while since I have written. It is not because I don’t love you and miss you deeply. It is because I have been stymied by the horrific injustices that are going on in our world today. I find myself unable to read or listen to the news. Some of you may say that I am burying my head in the sand. For my own body’s sake, I need to listen to my own emotional, physical and spiritual health. I have never stopped praying. There are times I want to get on my soapbox and say, “This is wrong God, can’t you change what is happening!” The murders, the violence, and the harm to children, overwhelm me at times. I keep looking to Jesus and say, what would you do? And then I remember that Jesus spoke against the machinations of the political system in his day. Yes, he angered some people, and the disciples wanted him to do much more than just talk. When Jesus’ followers saw what was going to happen, they said, “Lord, should we strike with our swords?” ⁵⁰ And one of them struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his right ear.

⁵¹ But Jesus answered, “No more of this!” And he touched the man’s ear and healed him. (Luke 22:49-51)

The response of Jesus was to show justice and mercy, and love all. For me it is remembering that even amid my actions of social justice, I must cuddle them in Mercy and Grace.

 This is hard to do. Mother Teresa says, “Be sure that you love Jesus… after that you cannot give your thoughts, your tongue, your heart to bitterness.”[1] It is our heart that needs to be aligned with love and mercy and justice. When I want revenge, I am not following God‘s way. When I wish harm on those who murder others, I am not serving God or my neighbor with love. Have mercy on me, Oh God.

So, you see I am struggling and while I often have posts that are optimistic and full of blessing, I wondered if I could do that this time. But I have discovered that there are people everywhere who bless me, even strangers. I met a doctor in an elevator in Texas. As we chatted, he told me that he was going to a breast cancer conference. We talked more and he learned that I had two bouts of breast cancer. He asked me what medication I was taking. I told him and he said there is a brand-new medication just coming out. That is going to help your kind of cancer! Make sure you tell your doctor about it. Then he asked the name of my doctor.  I told him I live in Myrtle Beach South Carolina and gave him her name. “I know her,” he exclaimed. He said “She’s great. Talk to her when you go see her.” Some might call it serendipity or luck. I call it God‘s moment where two souls who needed to talk, had a rare moment in an elevator. I forgot to ask him his name. I didn’t see him again. But the impact of that conversation might make a difference in my health.

Many blessings evolved in the Christmas season. One of our neighbors had a party and we made new friends. We held a salon organ concert in our home where Daryl delighted us with incredible music, and I was able to share a meal and the little nooks and crannies of Christmas decorating in our new home.

During the month of December, we were able to spend time with Family. It was a great joy to be with children and grandchildren. A special time was gathering around the organ and singing Christmas carols. We sounded like a little choir! So, my heart is full of blessing, even amid the turmoil of trying to find answers to a weary world. I know that for some of you, this is your first year sitting without your spouse in this holiday season. A couple of you are facing significant health challenges and are weary of it all. In spite of everything, the joy of the Lord is our strength. I don’t know where you’re at today; you might be facing very tough situations, and so it is my prayer that you will feel my arms around you and God‘s beautiful comfort. Loving you as always, Bonnie Lee.

 

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[1] Ringma, Charles, Washing the Feet of the World with Mother Teresa. RegentCollege Publishing, 2008., Pg 207.

 

No Prescription for Retirement!

For the last few years before I retired, I dreamed of what it would be like to live in retirement. Not having to set an alarm, taking naps when I want to, sitting by the pool, looking up recipes and just reading for fun was what I envisioned.

I read a few books about retirement and there are many: How to Retire, 101 Fun Things to Do in Retirement, Purposeful Retirement, How to Retire Happy and What you Don't Know about Retirement. Well I have to say, they didn't quite hit the mark for me. Yes indeed, I  enjoy not setting an alarm and swimming in our pool most afternoons (thanks to the solar cover, I'm still swimming in October!) I get to peruse recipes and love dilly-dallying in my gardens.

What I did not expect however was facing health challenges and finding a new rhythm would be difficult. As some of you already know, I have trigeminal neuralgia and am still taking a chemo pill every day. Both of those medicines cause constipation. My family doctor recently added a new medication and guess what the number one side effect is - you guessed it - constipation. I told Daryl it's a whole new life when your afternoon cocktail is prune juice! Oh I have become an expert on laxatives and herbal remedies so don't send me any! The doctors have warned me to stay on top of it so I don't end up in the ER with a blockage! Yeah, I had that once, not pretty! So excuse my language but who knew retirement would be about "shit?" 

My balance is a challenge with this disease, so I now have a chair in my closet. Seems like two legs in the same pant hole is not a good idea while trying to stand! Any thing that requires bending over is probably going to end up with me on the floor or throwing up! 

Okay so then there is the brain fog. Some days it's tiring and other days Daryl and I just roar with laughter. Do you know where my glasses are? My favorite answer to that is, Yes the last time I wore them I put them in the freezer. My family never did think that was so funny! Or what day is it? Is this Wednesday or Thursday? Did I lock the door or close the garage? So I trot to double check. Thank God there is a song on my dryer and washer when it is complete or we might have laundry in there for days! And the microwave dings until you open the door! If only they would design jars and pill bottles that open easier! 

Recently my dear friends Ann and Joyce came to visit us. It was grand. We have been friends for over 40 years! So we were playing rummikub and I put out a small snack of crackers and cheese. A few days after they left, I said to Daryl, did you finish the cheese that was in that container? No he said, I thought you did. Well, I can't find it anywhere. A few days later I was reorganizing the pantry (because I now have time to do it and it seems like a fun thing to do in retirement) and low and behold, there is the container of cheese! It was a little soft but still edible. I wonder what else I will find in there! Anyway we had a good laugh and as long as I don't mix up the hemorrhoid medicine and the toothpaste I think I can manage!

So Daryl and I have learned to give each other a lot of grace in retirement. We don't fret the small things and we try to go to the beach at least once a week because that is one of the reasons we moved here. Daryl was finally able to fly his stunt kite as you can see in the photos. The wind was great and the beach wasn't too occupied. 

All in all, I'm loving retirement even with its aches and pains. I believe there is no set prescription for retirement. Every person will live their own version of it. Mine keeps changing daily. I am getting used to the fact that I don't have a schedule and I like that. I try to move slowly but if you know me at all, you know I don't usually have a slow gear. I'm an "all or nothing" kind of gal! 

I've received great comfort in the sermon by our Pastor Jason last week. He told us how God uses the most unlikely to do God's work. He told the story of David, a murderer, an adulterer, a thief and outright scoundrel. Yet God chose him to lead the people. "God sees the heart," he said. He knows us even when we try to put on a good act. I love that. God knows all of me and still loves me. Every night I sing this song, "Lord Jesus I long to be perfectly whole, I want You forever to Live in My soul!" It comforts me. It's an old hymn from my childhood and not all of it fits with my theology of God but I'll take its resonance in my heart. 

So today may you be blessed with the moments you are in right now. May the peace of God sit on your shoulder and carry you through the day! Whether you are retired or working, may you find time to smile, knowing I love you and you make my life a blessing. Joy in the Journey! Bonnie Lee

Jardin de la Pais

Dear friends, it has been quite some time since I have written. First of all, I have been gardening and processing my soul in the dirt! Oh how glorious for the most part, but then again there is the back ache, the dizziness, because I am challenged at the moment with medications that affect my balance, and the ability to know when enough is enough seems to have lost its meaning on me! Daryl recently had to set the limit when I was sick from heat exhaustion. Now that fall has entered our lovely land, I am in my glory! Every morning I walk and check on things and then again in the evening. Yesterday, in the middle of the afternoon,  I abandoned all hope of doing laundry and instead sat in the garden! This has to be the best part about retirement! I can do what I want, when I want!

These cannas lilies you see to the right were just little plants in a pot. Now they are thriving as they have been given room to grow! Isn't that the way we are too? When not stymied by the opinions of others, the rhetoric of today's politics and our own unreasonable expectations of ourselves, we are open to possibilities that can promote peace and progress in our lives.

As you already know from a previous blog, in the entryway to my Zen Pen (my little room of calm) is a painting of Jesus washing the feet of another individual. I'm challenged every time I see it to ponder on my own service to others. Most often I pray in the morning, Jesus, whom would you like me to serve today. Mother Teresa once said, In my work, I belong to the whole world, but in my heart, I belong to Christ. I love that about her and her life was an obvious rendition of keeping those priorities intact. I'm challenged by them though. As a matter of fact, Jesus and me had a tough talk the other day. Why in the world my beloved brother Christ would you let me retire and then give me trigeminal neuralgia which can incapacitate me on any given day!?! I hit the dirt hard that day and sighed again and again.

It's a good thing God and Jesus have big shoulders because they can take what I say and don't yell or get mad. Honestly though, that is not my belief about the Trinity.  My dear friends Joyce and Ann recently came to visit us which delighted me no end, and as we tried to wrap our heads around all the violence in our world we discussed the omniscience, omnipresence and omnipotence of God. I do not believe that God sends things to challenge me or make life hard, but I am aware that some people find comfort in believing that God is in control of everything. I know that God is present in all things but crap in life happens and so we have decisions about it. Do we blame someone, do we hunker down and just get through it, are we grateful for life itself or do we find ways to manage the sad and difficult issues in our lives with ernest prayer and hopefulness? I imagine for those suffering from chronic illnesses that this is a reality they often face. They are brave souls indeed!

So I'm choosing to remember that in my heart, I belong to Christ, and that makes all the difference in how I serve the world. The garden brings the joy and hope in my whole being. I laugh, I smile, I contemplate and am filled with gratitude at each new bud, each green shoot that startles me with splendor. That joy just wells up and I want to share it with others. It is my prayer that today you will engage in a nugget of life that causes you to be engulfed in hope. I have many friends on Facebook who post photos of their trips, their children, their gardens, books they have read or funny things that have happened to them. You my dear ones, inspire me! I try to make sure I click on "like" or make a comment so you know I am listening. 

I close with a quote from Maya Angelou. Let gratitude be the pillow upon which you kneel to say your nightly prayer. And let faith be the bridge you build to overcome evil and welcome good. Love to you all! Bonnie Lee Joy in the Journey

Out of the Silence

 It had been quite some time since I have blogged. It is basically because I have been in pain. Unfortunately I have a condition called trigeminal neuralgia. It is extremely painful and it has taken the doctors a while to be able to help me manage it. I am now on very strong nerve medication and I’m seeing a neurologist. I had the same disease 20 years ago and had gamma knife surgery on my brain. That was something I had hoped would never happen again but here I am suffering from it.

I have tried to go through my daily routines and have managed to do so for most of the time. My energy level was low as pain set in. There was a lot of silence. Often, in my past, I have gone on silent retreats for one and two weeks at a time. People would kid me because I am a person who likes to talk and they could not imagine that I could stay quiet for two weeks. They do not know me well. My soul gets regenerated through silence and praise and meditation. I am able to lower my blood pressure and heal my body through silence.

The pictures you see at the top are in my backyard. I’m incredibly blessed to have a garden created that nurtures me immensely. Each day I wonder what message Saint Francis will have for me. DARYL and I traveled to Italy a few years ago and were able to enjoy much of the history of Saint Francis’ life and walked the path where he lived.

During this time of silence and struggle, I have prayed for many of you, wondering what you’re up to and hoping that your days are full of joy. I’m making new friends with neighbors and we found a church where we feel at home. It is Saint Philip Lutheran in Myrtle Beach. I like the ritual of the liturgy and the music is marvelous! The congregation sings heartily and it warms my soul. The pastor has meaningful sermons and connects with people of all ages. What a blessing to have found this sweet little church in the midst of a tourist town.

I am grateful that there are people who heal, people who pray, and the great love and tender care of my husband. It has been a challenge to manage this. But with medication, I am able to swim, cook, and write. It is my hope that you will discover what feeds you and find time to engage in it. May the silent times in your life be a blessing, love, Bonnie Lee.

The dilemma of blessings

It’s been a while since I’ve written and it’s because I’ve been resisting it. The title might give you a hint as to why I’m having such a hard time.

If you know me well, you know that I can never hide my true feelings and my emotions of what I am experiencing. Right now I am having incredible joy. Retirement is far better than what I anticipated. I’m able to make sourdough bread every week, plan menus, and cook healthy meals, do my laundry whenever I need to, and sleep whenever I want.

I’m enjoying house cleaning and nesting and gardening. I had no idea that this was all so much fun and wonderful. I am reaping the benefits of this self-care by weight loss and some of my blood work is really good.

So then, what is the problem? It is this. I’m so blessed and yet I see so much pain and agony all around me. Reading the news makes me distraught and angry.The injustices and the climate issues are frightening.

I’m not used to having such blessings. This past week I was talking to our son JORDAN about my struggle with it. He said, “Mom you have spent your whole life serving others now it’s time to serve yourself.”

Wise words, indeed, but remember, I was raised in a culture, a very conservative Christian culture, that told me to die to self. The one family with whom I lived, would not even let us have a mirror because to look in a mirror was to be vain. We were not allowed to have musical instruments because they were of the devil and could be used for wickedness like dancing. It was a sin to spend money on one’s self unless absolutely necessary. It took me many years to love myself and it is no wonder that God called me to serve others because there is my strength that came amid all that negativity.

I absolutely loved being a pastor, and while it was exhausting, it was also energizing and led me to deep spiritual depths that I might not have otherwise experienced. I was blessed to have a window into the lives of others as we both impacted each other in finding the holy in every moment.

Then why is it so hard for me to accept these blessings? Daryl and I have worked since we were 15 years old. We have scrimped and saved and often worked two and three jobs at a time. We tried to be generous and continually support several other families financially.

I’ve never thought of myself as keeping score with God, that if I bless others, God will bless me. However, this season of my life so far is beyond my wildest expectations. I actually thought I’d never get here.

When I was diagnosed with cancer, the second time I begged God to let me live until retirement. And now I am thriving. Yes there are still medical issues and I’m seeing a ton of specialists to try to deal with them, but for the most part every day is a miracle.

Sometimes DARYL and I look at each other and say we have to pinch ourselves to make sure this is real.

But then there’s that little guilt lurking thinking maybe I shouldn’t have it so nice. Wondering if those of you who are reading this will think that I’m too extravagant.

I can’t quite reconcile at all yet, but I’m gonna tell you I am going to revel in it. My family is so supportive of us and encourages me to just accept the blessings and the reward of our labors.

I know too that with blessing comes responsibility. DARYL and I are finding ways to share what we have with others.

I’m not ready to sign on any board yet, I’m not ready to be on a committee. It’s just too soon. I’m catching my breath and asking God to let me be her servant.

Thank you all for being here for me as you always have been, through thick and thin you have been the extraordinary blessing in my life. May something marvelously surprising give you joy today. Love to you all, Bonnie Lee.

We end the journey with a bang!

Our last night in Asheville, North Carolina ended up being quite eventful. As we were ready to go to bed a big storm came up. DARYL went outside to put the awning down so that it wouldn’t blow in the wind. All of a sudden it wouldn’t work. No matter how hard he tried, he could not get the latch to work. So he tilted the side the best he could so the rain would run off of it and the wind wouldn’t catch it.

I went to bed praying that it would work in the morning. However, when we got up, it was the same way that it was when we went to bed. We messed with it and tried all kinds of things and we could not get it to work. We put in several phone calls to mobile RV repair people and only found one person who said that he could possibly help us but it wouldn’t be till noon. We said OK well if we don’t find anybody else then come on over.

About that time, the custodian of the campground came by on his golf cart, as he was emptying trash. He said “ Are you having a problem ?” and we said yes. So DARYL showed him what the problem was. He tried to fix it and couldn’t fix it either. So DARYL said “I think we need to take it apart and then maybe manually roll it up.” But we didn’t have a ladder. No problem. Jose as it turns out, was our angel. He went and got a ladder and stood up on it and helped DARYL take it apart and then roll it up. They put the screws back in to hold it tightly and taped it with electrical tape. The photo you see is of Jose giving me the thumbs up. He was so excited when I asked if I could take his picture.

It is amazing how people are so generous with their kindness. We have found that to be true over and over.

We stopped at the welcome station when we hit the South Carolina border. As we entered the visitation area, a young woman greeted us. “Where are you from?” She asked. DARYL told her that we were moving from California and that we were going to our new home in South Carolina. “Welcome home,” she said.

Her statement caught us up short. This is our home now. That was an odd feeling to both DARYL and me. For the rest of the trip I reflected on the fact that South Carolina is now my new home. It doesn’t feel like home yet. The landscape is so unfamiliar, the dialect is quite different, the food is interesting, and I don’t have many friends yet.

I was feeling sad on the trip home, and it was somewhat unexpected. While I am very eager for this new life of retirement, it is also a huge transition. We will have a new church, new doctors, new bank, new neighborhood, and so many things to which we will be adjusting. While I usually like change, it’s all a bit unsettling. My usual optimistic nature took a backseat to my melancholy spirit.

What did bring me joy however, was when I walked into our home, I immediately felt at peace. The surroundings comforted me. There was my little Zen Pen studio ready and waiting for my creative spirit. DARYL‘s organ stands stately in the corner soon to be swelling with beautiful music. I turned on all the lights in the bedroom and just sat there a minute being so happy that I could sleep in my own bed tonight.

I am aware that with this move there will be many emotions swimming around in me. Sometimes I’m gonna let them just sit there, and contemplate the goodness of them. Other times I’ll dive in and see where they might lead me.

Through it all, I do know that I am incredibly blessed and I’m thankful that our trip went as well as it did. DARYL said the other day that “Home is wherever we are.” How true that is and we will certainly make this place a safe and sacred Haven.

All across the country, DARYL and I saw so much poverty. There were many people living in RV’s. There are trailers with tarps on the roofs. There are rusted out cars decking front yards. There were shacks that look practically like they’re going to fall over, but a light still cast out the darkness. There were people without homes holding signs asking for money. We saw workers doing extremely hard labor in the heat. All these folk striving to make a living and a home for themselves. I prayed for them to feel secure.

It’s time to be thankful once again for our little bit of heaven on earth. Tonight for your blessing, I pray that you are wrapped in the comfort of a safe place. May your home be a nook of love and peace. Wherever you are, know you are loved, Bonnie Lee.