Daryl and I are on an extended trip to Spain and France. We are currently in San Sebastián, Spain. San Sebastián is a treasure and as Daryl and I explored the city our delight was often wrapped in awe. Today, however I experienced a most unusual encounter.
I have to back up a bit. Before our trip to France and Spain, Daryl and I decided together that this trip would be a spiritual pilgrimage for us. We traverse each day looking for the holy adventurous and what might nurture our faith. Right before we left America, I happen to dine at a Chinese restaurant and my fortune cookie said “next week will be a time of deep personal development.”
“Hm,” I thought, “if I get any more developed in life, I’ll be a resilient tree that creaks and cracks, and never dies, but oh well, I”m in for the ride.” Often these fortune cookies are throw aways, rather meaningless, but I took this as a personal sign of something amazing, even unsettling, on my horizon.I was soon to find out just how unsettling growth can be.
There was a magnificent cathedral in San Sebastian that Daryl and I were able to visit. It is the cathedral of the Good Shepherd and is said to have the largest pipe organ in all of Spain. Too bad we couldn’t hear it played, but Daryl did listen to a recording and it was quite amazing. I especially like the images and icons in this Cathedral. It wasn’t quite as gilded and lathered in gold as Church of St. Vincent Martir, but it better suited my image of Jesus as the Shepherd.
There were only about 10 people in the cathedral at this time and I had this urge to sing. This often happens to me when we sit in an empty church. I feel compelled to praise or lament and singing is a way that I connect with God. I asked Daryl “do you think I could sing here?” “I don’t know,” he said. “I wouldn’t do it!
So I moved to the side aisle. I stood before a statue of Jesus. It was depicting his crucifixion. I thought about not singing now because it could be embarrassing, but after all, there were only 10 people there and the song was for God, for Jesus, and for me. The strong urge to sing intensified and I couldn’t help myself. So I got up the courage and began to sing. Kyrie Eleison, lord have mercy upon us. Christe Eleison, Christ have mercy upon us. I sang it three or four times and it reverberated throughout the cathedral.
Suddenly a young woman came rushing up to me. She was crying rather intensely. “I thought you were an angel,” she said. “But you are real. You are my angel.” I must have looked a little stunned so she went on to explain. “My mother died last year and I’ve been trying to reach her, to hear from her. I am so lost. I started praying the Kyrie and all of a sudden I heard the song. I thought God had sent me an angel and I was the only one that could hear it. But I saw people listening to you. You are a real person” she proclaimed. Now she was in full tears, so I put my arms around her. She tried to continue to talk to me. Suddenly, the janitor hurried to us. “No mas canto!” “No more singing!” He said angrily. “No mas canto,” he repeated firmly inches from my face. “Lo Siento Mucho,” I told him. “I’m very sorry.” Then he tried to hush the woman in my arms. He pointed to her and waved his finger in her face. “Sh! Sh! he demanded. We both look startled, and suddenly she left. I looked around and she was gone.
So many emotions wrestled around my soul that I did not know which one to claim first. Shame, because I wasn’t supposed to sing. A deep sadness, because the song wanted to break out. Regret, that I had apologized to him at all. Confusion, as to what just happened and a profound sense of love for the young woman and Jesus my Shepherd. I couldn’t sort them all out, so I sat down in a back pew and waited for Daryl as my brain tried to put some order to my rattled soul.
Before I left America, I said to my friends, “I’ll try to stay out of trouble,” but here we are on day three and I’m already causing a ruckus. It’s OK, though. I’ve always believed I’m one of God‘s spoons, stirring the spirit and opening up treasures even when it’s painful.
A week of deep personal growth my fortune cookie said. Yeah God, I’m definitely in deep waters now. These are the waters of love and mercy, showered on me daily, and I am privileged to share the sprays of it with others. There is mercy and grace in every corner of the world, my dear friends, and we are privileged to see it when we step out of our comfort zone and offer kindness. There are many people, systems and politics in place that want to squelch our song, but we must rise up and continue to sing, for the love of God and others.
So for you, my dear loved ones, this song is for you. Kyrie Eleison, Lord have mercy upon us. Christe Eleison, Christ have mercy upon us. Let this be a song that changes the little corner where you are today and bring you peace. Spread the grace and change the world! Amen! Joy in the journey, Bonnie Lee.
