A Generous Heart Psalm 51

Lately, I've been reading and thinking a lot about generosity and giving because our parish is ready to bring our pledges to the altar this Sunday. In my devotional time yesterday, I discovered that I am not as generous as I once thought. Oh, you could probably ask anyone who knows me and they would tell you that I am quick to share what I have with others, but my prayer time yesterday revealed a side of me that is quite stingy. It caught me up short and lingers with me even now.

God is not only asking me to give my money, my time, my possessions, and my talents for the good of all, but also my will. Yuck! This is where I had to look in the mirror and see myself for who I really am and it surprised me that I am more able to give all these other things to God but my will is where I hang on tightly.

For example, many years ago, my foster sister was murdered by her husband. It is a wound that still hurts today. As a family we did all we could to intervene in their violence but to no avail. I spent many years wishing something terrible would happen to him. One of my spiritual guides about twelve years ago helped me work through this. "Imagine," he said, "that God is holding both of you in God's arms. God is healing the wounds of both of you together." Well I have to tell you that I did not like that image at all. First of all, I wasn't the one that committed that heinous crime and secondly, I did not want to be in God's arms with that evil man.

Yet it soon became clear that God's love was way bigger than me. To love God was to love all that God's holds closely too. It took some time but I prayed that God would give me a gentle spirit towards this man and now I am able to ask God to bless him and bring wholeness to his life.

One would think that after a traumatic experience like this, I would be great at giving my will over to God -that I would be generous with what others need and want. However, it is still a continual battle - especially at times with my family. When others make plans that leave me out or expect me to acquiesce to what they want, I struggle. Yesterday's prayer time challenged me to give it ALL to God- my spirit AND my possessions. It puts a whole new meaning on STEWARDSHIP!

Yet the reward is great when I give my will to God. God opens new windows and changes old attitudes. Oh, it's not a quick fix or easy, but the gently prodding of God opens my eyes to ways in which I can be generous for the good of all. So God, just what will I put on my pledge sheet? Is there a place for a stingy heart? Of course there is - God will create in me a clean heart and a right spirit I am sure!

Reflection and journaling
Blessing: What part of your spirit is generous? When is it easiest for you to give your life for the good of others? It is you ears, your mind, your heart, your hands, your feet, your possessions? How do you bless others with your will?

Challenge: Where do you struggle in the challenge to have a clean heart before God? How do you give up your own way when you know God is asking you to do this? How might living with a generous spirit change your relationship in your family? in the church? at work? in the neighborhood?

Prayer: Forgiving God, thank you for loving me just the way I am. Stir me to give all of me to you, holding nothing back. When I am tempted to be selfish and insist on my own way, nudge me to turn to your vision of generosity. Open my eyes to see that loving you means loving others as myself. In the name of Jesus who gave his all, Amen.